We’re talking about don’t try to change me. It’s very important not to lose yourself in a relationship, to try to appease someone else. I don’t even think it’s about losing yourself. It’s about the other person trying to change who you are and you not changing, which makes the conflict because it’s not losing yourself is when, when you get into a relationship and you are the person that you are, and then.
You get together and that person loves you for who you are. You know your qualities or attributes, Then somewhere along the line, they want you to become something different. The image that they have in their mind, I love you now and the way you are, but I can change you a little. I’m looking at different relationships and different people, how we get into relationships, and we start arguing over things that are really not the issue.
And then when you really look at it, it’s. One of us is trying to change the other one. So let’s say for instance, you go into a relationship and this person is not making a whole lot of money and you’re dating and you know that like you understand who this person is, their career, their job, their salary, their background, their history, whether they have kids or not.
This is who I am
And you’re accepting of all those things. , but then once you get into relationship further down the road, and maybe when things get serious or when you get married, now all of a sudden you’re just buys all those things that you already knew, but you thought that you could change them into the person that you want them to be.
Yeah, I don’t think they’re thinking they can change them. I think. now. It’s not enough. Now. It’s not enough. So I have an image of what I want from you as a husband, and so I’m dating you and now we’re married and everything is fine. But then, , problems, situations, life or whatever occurs.
It was not a problem in the beginning
And now I feel as though you’re not. Being the man that I want you to be. So it’s not that I’m thinking I can change you. What I’m thinking is I just want you to change. Yeah. But I’m still the same person. If I’m still the same person, whether we’re married or dating, so it doesn’t matter how much money I make or my income. It was fine when we were dating and you knew what you had going in. But now it becomes an issue and that’s what you dislike about me now, and that’s creating a problem, right?
The all too often what we do is that. We’re in the relationship and maybe I’m, the person isn’t making as much money as you would like them to make . And we’re arguing. And I’m saying negative things to you, which I’m thinking is going to make you change, but it’s not only thing is doing is creating more hardship between us because people think if I nag you about the things that I don’t like about you, you’re going to change them and it’s not.
No. It actually is going to have a reverse effect. it’s going to have a reverse effect, you’re putting me down is not going to make me want to Excel and go out and do something. What is going to do is make me resent. I’m going to really resent you and I’m going to work extra hard. To not do any of the things that you’re talking to me about.
I think the key in relationships is that we don’t know how to communicate the things that are bothering us.
Accept me for me
Maybe that’s what it is. It’s all about how you look at a thing is how you view it is how you feel about it and it’s how you act on it. And that’s why we have to stop acting like our view is the right view. That person who who they are, and either you accept me for who I am or you don’t accept me at all, but stop trying to change me.
So you’re saying you have a right to change apart, right, to change your heart like I want more now. Yeah, fine. You will work in this job. You were doing fine, but now it’s time for you to maybe progress forward. Do something. Okay. So that’s fine. You can do that. But in a positive light, you can’t badge you the person to do it.